Hope

As 2024 approached, my husband realized he hadn’t read a single book all year (though he enjoys articles and news). Scrolling through the library app, he discovered “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch and Jeffrey Zaslow.

A few years ago, I’d seen the recorded video of Randy Pausch’s last lecture. A highly successful professor diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, Pausch poured his heart into his book and final lecture at Carnegie Mellon University. He aimed not only to share how he achieved his childhood dreams but also to leave meaningful life lessons for his three very young children, who wouldn’t have many memories with him. Since my husband could not put the book down, I decided to read too.

Reading the book was an emotional journey. Each page served as a reminder of life’s fragility and the importance of cherishing every moment. Pausch’s story, about dreaming big and achieving them made me re-evaluate my dreams and goals. His accomplishments inspired me. Even while battling illness, his energy and determination in delivering his last lecture for his students and community were truly amazing.

He also helped me to see what we are doing wrong at work with his sentence “ Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.” I felt like this is what we did last year during my project 😊. Now I know more than ever that less is more because I believe we accomplished more results with fewer people in my project this year.

I highly recommend both the book and the last lecture video. They serve as powerful reminders that life is short. We should strive to make the most of it, just as Randy Pausch did by sharing his inspirational story with the world during his last days.

When we found out we are expecting a baby, the only thing I could think of was her health. I just wanted to have a healthy baby. I did not worry about if our baby was a boy or girl or the changes my body had to go through. I was assuming that all moms might have a similar approach to what I have; however, through the discussion forums, which you can get through pregnancy apps, I felt like I’m from a different world. The worries and discussions of the pregnant moms were quite interesting and made me feel lucky to have our first child when we’re wiser and more mature. I call this becoming a mom when we are mature enough to know our responsibilities.

Most of us have no idea what we are getting into before we have children. Even earlier than that, we aren’t even aware of what to expect and feel when we find out that we expect a baby. Based on our ages and maturity level, how we feel about pregnancy and having a kid can be very different. Here are some things to think about when you are having your first child in your thirties:

Healthy pregnancy:
I believe that this should be the most important thing for all new moms. Not only does our baby’s health matter, but also how we take care of ourselves makes a huge difference. I’ve been living in the USA for the past six years and had never been to a doctor before. I was very healthy, exercised regularly, and ate quite well. So, I did not want to spend a dime at the doctor’s office. The first sudden change was my doctor’s visits. Since I’m pregnant, I want to go to the doctor to be sure our baby is healthy and growing as expected.

Our Body Changes:
We all know that our bodies will be transformed during and after our pregnancy. Even though we don’t have control over certain changes, we can still improve the process and try to gain only the necessary and acceptable weight for our babies. What made me sad is that so many pregnant ladies were emotionally and mentally very upset and losing sleep about their look and weight gain. It is not a beauty contest or competition, so our goal should be to have a healthy pregnancy and accept our weight gain. Once we have our kids, we can go back to our routine and have a fit body. At least, this is my plan. I accepted that I would have some stretch marks and weight gain. As long as my baby and I are healthy, this situation won’t bother me.

Work-Life:
I’m one of the lucky moms-to-be. I have a decent income and a job that I like. Even though the past six months were very stressful, my pregnancy did not impact my performance. My concern was the programs I managed and their milestones and how their dates would align with my due date. I will be away from work for three months, so before my maternity leave, I’m doing my best to plan my program schedules, and I’m trying to manage my workload. When we have a job we deeply care about with a good income, we also think about our job situations more. So, this is one of the downsides of having a kid at a later age. When I look at the forum discussions, some people didn’t have jobs or relied on their parents and partners. So, it is one of the biggest challenges for young moms.

Screening for Syndromes (Down, Edward, and Patau):
This is one of the challenging subjects, and it can happen to anyone, regardless of their age, genes, and family history. I did not go through any screening because the result of the tests wouldn’t change my mind. Besides, these tests give a certain percentage of the possibilities that our babies may have any of these syndromes; they are not 100% accurate. Even thinking about it was scary, so I searched a little bit and found out that having any of these syndromes is increasing day by day. I saw some posts that some parents ended their pregnancy based on their screening results; it broke my heart, but I respect everyone’s decision. The only thing I can do is to pray for a healthy kid for everyone, including myself.

What to eat, drink, or smoke:
The things that are not good for our body are not good for our babies. So, I was shocked to see the discussion forums because some of the moms ask each other how many glasses of wine are OK to drink or if they can smoke marijuana. I don’t smoke and drink. Even if I did, I would stop once I decided to have a kid. Our babies are very vulnerable, so smoking, drinking, and eating unhealthily may harm them. I wish everyone was more mindful because we are all blessed to have a kid, and we should be grateful and take care of them well.

On the other hand, I learned that some healthy-looking food could be harmful during pregnancy, such as green papaya and hibiscus tea. I love green papaya salad and ate each time I go to a Thai restaurant or even made it home. So I was glad I found out about this early in my pregnancy and stopped consuming it. After this it became a habit for me to search what I can eat or not during pregnancy.

Baby Registry and Gifts
I was surprised to see so many new moms were obsessed with their baby registries and baby showers. Many of them were very upset not receiving the gifts or not having many attendees for their baby showers. To me, no one has to buy anything for my kids, including my parents and my husband’s parents. It is my child, and I’m fully responsible for whatever she needs.

Overall, I see more benefits having a kid when we are older because, as we age, we get wiser and worry about more important things. My only concern is being healthy and having a healthy baby. I will continue to enjoy my pregnancy journey until we finally meet our daughter in December.

My sweet Hubby while taking the sunrise picture at Hilton Head Beach

When I was a kid taking a vacation meant visiting my grandparents and helping them on the farm. It was fun because I liked the village life where my grandparents lived. My expectations changed when I became a teenager. I wanted to go to a beach or family vacation, which never happened because my parents wanted to see or felt obligated to visit their relatives and parents.

I never thought I would feel the same way when I grew up. Unfortunately, I sometimes do. However, it doesn’t change my decision about my vacation plans because I strongly believe that we all should have some quality time doing  what we prefer. So, I do my best not to let my mom try to control me 5000 km away.  I prefer traveling to different places, discovering new cultures and new cuisines, and spending time with my husband rather than using it for family visits.

This year was extraordinary. Because of the Covid 19 pandemic, we couldn’t plan our vacation the way we dreamed of. We still did our best to make it fun with the current circumstances. We did not want to take a flight during the pandemic, so we planned a two-week road trip . Considering we’ve been working from home since March, we were ready to get away from Michigan.

First, we traveled from Michigan to Pittsburgh, which was a lovely stop. It is a beautiful city; we had no idea of the topography of the city, which was quite hilly. We also had a chance to see our friends who lived there. We had a lovely time discovering a new destination.

Then, we visited Washington, DC, which was lovely. However, the museums and some of the other capital’s attractions were closed. It was still worth it to stop there. The food was delicious, and we had a chance to try some Turkish restaurants around the area. We walked quite a lot and took advantage of the beautiful weather.

Washington, DC, Washington Monument

Our next stop was Virginia Beach, which was only 4 hours away from Washington DC. We did not have a lot of expectations. We did not want to drive very long, so we used Virginia Beach as a stopping point. Even though it was rainy, it didn’t bother us. Also, we had one of the best breakfasts of our trip. We walked by the beach and had a relaxing time. The best part of Virginia Beach was shopping. There was a lovely outlet center, which we ended up shopping for around 5 hours because the prices were irresistible.

Java Surf Cafe and Espresso Bar, Virginia Beach

Virginia Beach Walk

During the rest of the trip, we visited Raleigh, Charleston, Atlanta, Hilton Head Island, Cincinnati, and Columbus. While my husband was driving, I was like a little kid trying to find restaurants at which we could eat. We loved North Carolina and Hilton Head a lot, which made us think of moving to that area in the future. The nature was beautiful where ever we went, and even just driving from one state to another state was worth it. We exercised, discovered new places, and tried so many new restaurants. It was a good break, which boosted our energy and motivation.

Tennis game at Raleigh, Pullen Park

We were happy because we were finally away from our home and didn’t have to think or talk about our work. Also, taking a road trip allowed us to talk about our future plans and listen to some audiobooks and current news. It was a great feeling knowing that we did not have to call into any meetings for a while or would not be  dragged into another urgent issue at work. Even though we were aware that our busy work was waiting for us, it was a great relief to be able to stay away from our laptops and work e-mails. What is more, it reminded us life is not all about our little world in Michigan.

Hilton Head Island

Regardless of how much we love our homes, where we live, or our jobs, we all need to take a break from our regular routine and take a vacation. Taking a break or going on a vacation doesn’t mean running away from our busy work and everyday chores; it means taking the chance to evaluate our lives and have some quality time away from our routine. If we use this time wisely, we can have a more fulfilled and motivated life when we are back from our vacation.

Overall, I believe that taking a vacation and having some quality time that makes us happy and refreshed is a great investment for our well-being. As Matthew Karsten says beautifully, “Investment in travel is an investment in yourself”, because once we refresh our minds, we will have a better approach and renewed energy which  to tackle everything  which is in front of us.

Have you ever bought a secondhand book? If not, I highly recommend you try it. Nowadays, it is very easy to find used books at very affordable prices. When I was at school, some of our books were very expensive. So, we used to go to the big bookstores to sell our previous year’s books and try to find the upcoming years used books. It would take us days to find what we needed because we would never know what was available at which bookstores. Regardless of whether it is new or used, I like reading a physical book. I like the feeling of holding a physical book, underlining the sentences, and taking notes in them. I think it is a culture that we should pass to our kids.

I still buy used books, definitely not in the same way I used to do. It is amazing how our lives changed and became more convenient with technology. Life is easier than it used to be. We can buy anything more affordably and effortlessly regardless of what we buy, new or used, books, clothes, or furniture. For example, when we want to buy a used book, we can check through the internet and purchase it in less than ten minutes. In addition to that, we can select the condition of books, review sellers’ ratings, and compare the prices.

Last week, I purchased two more used books. When I received them, I was hoping that they were in good condition. I started to read one of them immediately because it was recommended for one of the courses I was taking. As I read, I discovered some notes from the previous reader, and also, she underlined some sentences. I felt happy to discover what she found interesting about the book, and I looked forward to reading her notes. It made me happy to see there are people out there similar to me who want to get better and improve their lives. For instance, the book I purchased was about raising a child with optimism and resilience.

It is not all about saving money. I feel like I’m sharing my thoughts with a friend when I see the notes. Also, if I don’t like a book that I purchased, I don’t feel very bad when I don’t read it. Knowing that I did not spend too much money helps me not to feel guilty about it. I know there are other affordable options to read a book, such as a library, an e-book, or even audible books. But, if you are like me when you get used to reading a physical book, you may prefer to own it.

Next time, when you need a new book, please consider purchasing a secondhand book. Not only will you save money, but also it may open the door to see the previous reader’s perspectives. I think reading a physical book will never get old regardless of its condition. Hopefully, you will pass this beautiful habit to the new generations.

It was Friday, and somehow, we got lucky and found a good movie to watch. Even though there are so many options to watch, not many movies are worth watching. God knows how many times I stopped watching movies because I got bored, or how many times I asked my husband how many minutes are left. It was an Indian movie, which was called “Dangal.” It was worth watching because it was a real-life that we could find something from our childhood, family life, social life, and culture. During the movie, I wanted to stop it many times to tell my husband similar stories that I experienced as a Turkish girl.

What is more, I loved watching their family life, which was quite similar to mine. The dad’s goal was to have a son, and he ended up having four daughters. What a shame, but it used to be a bad thing for a man not to have a son. He used to be wrestler, and he had to give up on his dream for financial reasons. But if he had a son, his son could have achieved what he could not.

Later on, he found out that his two daughters could also fight as good as boys. So, he trained them to become wrestlers. In India, it is similar to Turkey; girls need to look pretty, learn housework, get a good education, and find a good husband. So, becoming a wrestler for a lady was a curse and socially unaccepted. These two poor girls didn’t want to become wrestlers, but they had to because they had the greatest respect for their father. They could not say no, even though they hated cutting their hair short, waking up early for the training every day, and feeling humiliated at school and in the neighborhood.

Similar to my childhood, we used to do what our parents asked us to do without questioning them. Sometimes, we wanted to question them, but we never wanted to disappoint them. It was the lifestyle we had twenty years ago.

We had a family bound and huge respect for our parents. My dad didn’t have to talk, with his one look we would know what he meant and acted the way he wanted.
Needless to say, we rarely talked back to our parents. I must admit that not every decision they made was perfect for us, or sometimes their strict rules shook our self-esteem. Especially as a teenager, we would see what other kids had, the lifestyle they were allowed to live, and the opportunities they were provided. There were days we felt humiliated, there were days we lost our confidence, but who we became today are the results of the tough childhood, and the discipline our parents provided for us.

I have three sisters, and they all have kids. However, their children’s attitudes aren’t even close to what I had imagined. When I see my nieces and nephews, I feel very disappointed by the way they talk to their parents, and how they spend their time. I try to remind my sisters and even their children that we used to share our books, and we used to wear the same shoes all year along. I would worry about telling my dad when I needed a new pair of shoes. I wouldn’t want to be another burden on his shoulder.
Sadly, when I heard last year my elder sister spent a whole day to find a school bag for her daughter because her daughter didn’t like any of the options she saw, my heart ached. I felt more disappointed in them and shocked at how things changed.

This is totally different than the way I was, and my sisters were raised. At a very young age, we knew what our parents could afford and what they couldn’t afford. I still remember how hard they worked to send us to the University. Some things could have been better because not only did they put so much pressure on us, but also, they put so much pressure on themselves. We always appreciated what we had, and we always understood their challenges.

So, this beautiful movie made me appreciate the childhood I had. When I watched the movie, I felt the struggle these two little girls had, and also I observed the deep love and respect they had for their dad. It was very inspiring. I want to raise my kids the way I was raised. I want my kids to feel deep respect for us and their opportunities. I also want them to appreciate what they have. I want them to understand they aren’t entitled to have anything. If they want something, they have to work hard for it. This is my ultimate goal.

Overall, this beautiful movie took me back to my childhood. I hope we can find more realistic and meaningful movies like Dangal. To me, it was a well-spent 2 hours, 49 minutes. It may feel quite long. However, the story was lovely, and I could watch it longer. Later on, I found out that It was based on a real-life story.

It is one of the best movies that I‘ve watched this year. I rate it as 10 out of 10, and my husband rate it as 8.

“We can’t afford to wait for the world to be equal to start feeling seen.”

Michelle Obama

I’ve just watched the Netflix Documentary, “Becoming,” which was about Michelle Obama. It was inspiring, especially for young people because she focuses on them, and empowers them with her speeches and her book. She shares her struggles openly from her childhood to becoming a First Lady of the United States. So, everyone could share some common ground with her and her stories.

I enjoyed watching it, but I can’t consider it a documentary. It was more about her book tours in the United States, and during the tours, she participated in conversations moderated by celebrities, including Oprah, Reese Witherspoon, and Stephen Colbert. Mainly we watched the conversations and some of the personal stories that she had during these tours.

What I liked about it was her strong personality. For example, she shared that when she was in high school, her school career advisor told her that she wasn’t Princeton University material. So, she should have been more realistic. This conversation didn’t make her give up on her dreams, and luckily, she didn’t doubt herself and her capabilities. In the end, not only did she graduate from Princeton University, but also, she completed her law education at Harvard University.

Unfortunately, not many people are as strong as her, but her story can guide young people to dream big and to achieve their dreams. Sometimes, we just need someone to believe in us, that we can do things bigger than us. If there is no one around us, or even worst, if we have people around us who make us feel less than we are, we may stop dreaming. We may lose our self-esteem. Not many but some lucky ones, like Michelle Obama, can do what they put in their mind, no matter what others say.

Overall, her advice was, whoever we are, we should be confident with ourselves and our stories. Everyone has struggles during their childhood, at school, with their marriage. So, if we want to create the life we want, we should not blame our circumstances or the people around us. We should take full responsibility to make ourselves happy and be the best we can be.

Maybe her book has more inspiring stories in it, but the documentary did not have a lot to offer. However, I still recommend it. My husband and I rate it 7 out of 10.